My cousin Carmi got married yesterday.  While we aren't BFFs or anything like that, we close as far as cousins who live half way around the country are.  I suppose its because we used to live only about an hour away from each other, and our families would see each other regularly.  Carmi and her sister Margo are the closest thing I had to having sisters.  Infact, I lived with them for a few weeks when I was (i think) 8, and went to a fucking sweet as summer camp dedicated to science.  That camp really turned me into a nerd... hahaha... I recommend sending your kids to a science summer camp on time in their early adolescence if you want them to turn out to be pretty well adjusted adults.  And then there were the Easters, where we'd hunt for those eggs (which seemed perfectly logical at the time) filled with candy or money.  And then we started to grow up, and they got taller than me!  Seriously though, Carmi and Margo are two really great people, and I love them like they were my sisters. 

The wedding was really great, and they even gave ME a gift for being an usher!  Mike, Carmi's new husband, seems like a swell guy.  And I trust Carmi would not have chosen him if he wasn't.  But like I said, it was a great time had by all.  Highlights of the night include the band playing Living on a Prayer, the Bean catching the garter and putting it on the girl who catches the flowers, and the huge dance circle with the little kid popping... oh and Allister getting fuckin wasted!  Mike and Carmi, you put on a wicked wedding, thanks and good luck!

As I get older, I find myself thinking about how many more of these huge family reunions we are going to have.  Sucks its takes getting older to realize how much I really do like my family.  And as we get older, we only get more fractured, busier, and some of us are no longer of this realm.  Elliot, if you read this, I'm sorry we prank called you we were all wasted and honestly we were all sad you didn't get to enjoy this time with us.  It was a great time, and u should have came even if you didn't want to use another sick day because really you just don't know if you'll ever see some of these people again.  But that's just my opinion.  You probably don't think that way yet, so its understandable. 

After all this writing, I've come to this conclusion,  that this family of ours is a great one, one I feel blessed to be born into.  I don't think I ever realized how great of a support system it really is.  I admit I've taken it for granted, and haven't kept in touch like I should have.  But every time I see "the clan" I get nothing but love, and that is a wonderful feeling.  Can't wait to see everyone again!

I'll never forget the first time I saw her.  She looked like an angel, like a dream.  I'll never forget her face, her smile, her laugh.  Like the name of an architect, your name is etched into the foundation of my heart now.  It makes me so happy that she was the first girl I that was willing to take a chance on me.  She'll always be the first girl to break my heart, and the first girl I got back together with.  Through it all was her laugh, and her smile, I swear it could melt a glacier!  When she broke up with me for the final time, I remember thinking I don't deserve her, which I don't, but I wanted to hold on.  What I did not realize then, what I've come to realize is that the love that she gave me, will always be with me, it can never be taken away, not that she would want to.

Now is the time to truely say goodbye.  Now is the time where life sweeps us up and where we land, only time will tell.  The only thing that is certain is the uncertainty that I will ever get to see your face again.  And while that thought will pain me... I know it sounds like a big stupid cliche, but I'm happy that she's happy.  And she looks so happy.  All I know is that if anyone deserves true happiness, its that girl.  I wish I could be the one to give her that happiness, but to know that she found it is a big relief.  Though I'm crying right now, its not sadness that I'm feeling.  The winds of change irritate my eyes, but I'm not going to stop looking forward.

Goodbye thanks for all the love and memories... [in my best Whitney Houston voice] IIIIIIIIEEEEIIIIII.... WILLL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUU...

Lets take a look at some of my recent beats, just in the last 4 days.

JJ vs A8, all the money in preflop, I flop a set J 10 5.  Turn K, river Q.
Ac10h vs 9c10s, all the money in on flop of A 9 5 of spades.  Turn 9, river 10.
KK vs AQ, all the money in preflop.  7 8 9.  Turn 10, river A.
JJ runs up against KK. No help.
QQ runs up against KK.
47 in the bb, flop two pair, all in vs top pair dude hits better two on the turn.

I feel like each of these hands has cost me a few thousand at least.  I just don't understand why I can't catch a break when I'm ahead 3 to 1.  Its like I'm meant to win just enough then when the big money is truly on the line, I can't catch a break.  I know if I could just run well for a month, I could win big... I'm really getting tired paying my dues.  I know I'm a great player, 95% of the time I know exactly when I have the best hand, but I can't do anything when the board just crushes me like this.  I know in my heart I would have won at least 10k by now if HALF of the times I put the money in as a 3 to 1 favorite would go on to win. 

But that's poker.

PS - Poker is bitch.